SUNNOH........


Was the Nagra in Sami's shoot. It is quite an experience to hear small faint sounds magnified...sound of paper rustling...the crew members breathing...so loud that you can hear the grains in their breathing...and the breaks in em...but the craziest is hearing people's stomach making crazy sounds...its damn crazy coz I was told that in the stomach is the solar plexus...roughly the gut...which is the seat of all intuition....its the surya chakra!!!
Cud also hear the whispers quite loud...a couple uttering sweet nothing to each other...quite louder than they cud themselves!!!...but have started living such a life nothing is actually personal anymore....or maybe more than that its no big deal...I think privacy is more about being OK with whatever the other person is doin rather than closing your eyes and shutting your ears to what it is?

meanwhile here are a list of sounds I wish I cud magnify and play on my tape all the time
1.Sound of somebody's ringing laughter...clear like a bell!
2.Sound of somebody playing Kishore kumar songs in the distance....regardless of the situation!!!
3.Sound of Narmada at Onkareshwar(and throughout the next two years I was in Faridabad the sound of the chimney reminded me of Narmada!)
4.Sound of a very tired freind sleeping beside you .
5.Sound of "static" the inner emptiness....the kind you hear in Tarkosvesies movies!

Thankyou God for the ears which still hear....

Spring....

It rained !!!!!!!!!An I was left with more yesterdays than today....Even so I feel alive...Its spring...There are red Cotton Silk trees opening their hoods with RED blobby flowers..Tesus smellin of my village near the mountains...far away from the din of the madness I live in....

Somewhere in the distance a train hoots.....
Early morning at the station...
Smoke rising up from tea in a kullad.
Mathura and early morning washing happening in a temple
Pandas in white dhotis shivering..muttering under their breath
Loud clanging of temple bells slowly fading out as the sun grows warmer....
You look around and there is a strange eternal freshness around you...maybe its spring...maybe all the old has been washed off your system and you feel empty and alive....beginning of another cycle...maybe this time you'll meet the truth...maybe.........
GOSH!!Its Spring.

Meri teri nigah mein
jo laakh intezaar hein
Jo meray teray tan-badan mein
laakh dil figaar hein
Jo meri teri ungliyon ki bey-hasi say
sab qalam nazaar hein
Jo meray teray shehr ki
har ik gali mein
meray teray naqsh-e-paa kay bey-nishaan mazar hein
Jo meri teri raat kay
sitaaray zakhm zakhm hein
Jo meri teri subha kay
Gulaab chaak chaak hein
Yey zakhm saaray bey-dawa
Yey chaak saaray bey-rafu
Kisi pay raakh chaand ki
Kisi pay auws kaa lahoo
Yey hai bhi yaa nahi, bata
Yey hai kay mehez jaal hai
Meray tumharay ankaboot-e-wehm kaa buna hua
Jo hai to iss kaa kya karein
Nahi hai to bhi kya karein
bata, bata,bata, bata.
(Faiz Ahmed Faiz)
hours ago)

Death at Owl Creek

Sitting limply at Nazias shoot was remembering this film that we were shown in the class...abt man being hanged on a bridge...lovely movie...haunting visuals....

Was just feelin a lil bit down...nothing to do...dont know where I'll land after mcrc...and dont get to meet freinds very often...and then there is this gnawing cold weather...restlessness..this strange coldness that seeps from weather to the people around me..it gnaws at me so deeply....sigh!!!! and I really don have much courage to fight it all over again....
Its like I make a silly lil group of ppl who are by my side[the warm people]...and the other group....where everybody is cold...frozen...and it takes away all my courage when I see any freind going over to that side...its like I have lost that battle against life....
it could be as simple as somebody not answering an sms...or not replying AND IT BECOMES VERY PERSONAL SUDDENLY!
first it feels like an insult...then irritation...then anger HARD AND BOILING ANGER...then I mellow down and work on handling it head on....adressing it directly...and that is where I run away.....

WHAT IS THAT I SHOULD ASK? why are you being cold to me....all the bruises and injuries of the other person(and my own) become so real that bothering them with myself becomes very difficult....and yet i cant move on unless i know
WHY???????

Things Fall Apart


The centre cannot hold....the whole of MCRC is falling apart...
my computer moniter has expired, my cell met with a fatal accident!!! my umbrella broke..my tape player keeps breaking its belts...change of pf files..change of computer softwares...change of cells..change of freinds...strange beds to sleep on everyday...alien dreams that knock me down with the possibilities of manifesting...nothing familiar nothing to comfort a tired heart away from home... except rain and rain that drains away hopes....nothing to hold me on....and they say...it is all well!!!

Thus spake d little atom bomb

We are talking about the studio based exercize and i bring out Swadha's sets and how artisitically she had done them..then we talk about how her mother has an upmarket boutique .and Saffu comes up with "haan uske liye toh mushkil nahi hogi...uske yahan toh "ANJALINA JOLI" LOG" " aate hain....! Then we laugh half an hour on anjalina joli 'LOG"

For half an hour she makes me wonder on how could a rat find a way into her guitar box....and what song exactly did it want to play!!!...Then I tell her that its almost like 6 months since that happened and maybe by now she should have forgiven the rat...but she obviously doents think it is as simple as that....she will find the soul aspirations of that rat which sneaked into her guitar box one unfortunate night...

to be continued....

YELLOW FLOWERS
Times when a stanger smiles at you!
Times when you gather the courage to smile at a stranger!
Times when you can't connect to all the familiar smiles around you coz you know they are just passing away....
Some big change is knocking on your door step.....
But smiles are smiles...like Yellow flowers in the winter sun...they keep the cold away :)

Warrior of the Light!!
Paulo Coelho talks about the split second that passes between the time of shooting of the arrow and its final reaching of its destination...
what does the archer do in that time...so many arrows that one shoots into the universe...arrows of desire..arrows of hope...arrows of ANGER!!!
Crooked arrows ,Straight arrows,Weak arrows, Blunt arrows...and u hear the sound of those arrows swishing past you even after you have moved on in life...
MR Coelho how about answering that?...What of the arrows you dont care about any longer?..What of the arrows which just never took off?? What of the arrows you shoot without investing any hope?...What of all those?